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Top Ten Happiness Provokers in Beth Today
1) I got a Carmen song stuck in my mind and went I went to listen it out, I found this adorable classic.
2) Could feel a roommate’s anger. Asked her about it, stayed open, had a great sweet conversation. In the midst of a work deadline, communicating with a worker about the tub being full of dirt (they fixed it), as well as heading to a lunch meeting.
3) Thoroughly enjoyed said lunch with new neighborhood friend. She helps men “get the girl”, so I think I may have a possible solution to transitioning away from the dating client that’s not the best match for what I’m offering anymore. And she moved here from Texas and is really into spiritual things as well as entrepreneurship. Aye carumba!
4) Breathing in the sunshine after a fresh rain had passed by. Enjoyed a simple present walk.
5) Moving forward with the project to market the children’s book illustrator. Him sharing how I inspired him. Yay.
6) Another roommate, the master tenant, shared with me over breakfast that she may want to move out. I did not freak out (although I did selfishly think, “but I just bought a bed!!”). I will cross that bridge when I come to it. People say stuff all the time. It’s the action decisions that I need to take actions on. I absolutely do not need to knock myself out trying to find a place on CL just yet.
7) Yesterday I ran in to a friend on the bus, and we’ve been trying to work out a schedule for massage trades for ages. I called him with a time I could give him a massage today and he didn’t call me back. A friend and client texted me last minute to see if I would give him a massage today. I am totally in the mood for it, it will balance out the computer work I’ve been doing and smooth out my energy. Thank you thank you! Sometimes the blank of the desire gets filled in unexpected ways if I allow it to.
8) At a time this morning when I normally would have emotionally tanked when perceiving Cadillac didn’t like something, not only did my ship not sink, I stayed floating on the waves inside of me. Okay, so I caught a little bit of air on a couple of them, but no capsizing is definite progress.
9) I had a FANTASTIC conversation with a good friend today about a wild monk and the etiquette of conscious 3somes. Fascinating!
10) Still glowing from discovering that the 2 pastors for whom I’m babysitting on a regular basis are in a Presbyterian group of churches who are moving forward with ordaining gay and lesbian pastors. YAY!
If you know EFT, this will make sense to you. Today I tapped “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do”.
The statement may or may not be true but you tap it, as I understand it, when the statement has some emotional charge and is somehow distracting you or pulling you off-center.
I’ve been reading more about being a Projector, and PS, thank you so much for the comments and emails that are having me dig deeper into this, as well. I sent a question today to the Human Design expert I saw. Asked him how am I supposed to “wait for an invitation” (which is the consistent advice to Projectors) when it comes to job search and career?
Oh, if anyone wants to ask him about getting a Human Design session, which I did find helpful, you can reach him at info@julienadler.com. Tell him Beth sent ya.
Okay, honestly, I just tapped “I feel embarrassed”. Sharing these things with you, and with some of you in particular, has me feel like a barn with no walls. But of course when we connect, it makes it worth having been the one to ‘show you mine first’.
After I tapped that I wondered why I never felt embarrassed while I was at OneTaste. Not like this, at least. I think it was being able to be absorbed in the pack, and having someone else so willing to take the lead in going way out on a limb.
As I am now, kind of trying different things and feeling tons of fear but still mostly landing on my feet, there isn’t that same shelter or comfort of the pack. I’m in a self-selected pack now, and it just is different.
So to get a little more grounded, here are the current RPA’s.
- 3 families asking me to babysit on occasion, interviewing with a third family tomorrow night. (The Mom from last night texted me that the little boy told her, in his words, he “had a blast” with me. What a sweet bonus!)
- At least for 5 Fridays in the next 2 months, a day down south for home assisting and childcare
- Second interview with an attorney on Wednesday to do part-time organizing and personal assisting
- 1 happy client where I serve as his dating coordinator and muse
- 1 happy personal bookkeeping client
- 2 monthly financial counseling clients
Oh how funny. As I was typing this, I got a call from a former roommate at OneTaste, a woman who wants a massage. Recently when I stopped doing massage, I said, “welllll…if it’s a friend I will consider it.” : ) We’re scheduled for next Monday. Good intention, team! Oh, and I guess there’s a good example of getting an invitation!
I dedicate that one to the path so far.
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Okay, so got clear today with FriendHusband that I need a more solid stable income base before I spend time on any “maybe” opportunities, such as part-time sales with his company (whose revenue generation takes quite a long while to be realized).
Also, Cadillac helped clear some of the cotton from my eyes last night around what I’m needing to make happen.
However, he also mentioned the possibility of my taking a job elsewhere.
That cut like a little knife when I heard it! Part of me thought, “How handy! You could really get rid of me then!” And it seemed totally obvious to him, and not anything personally offensive intended.
FriendHusband offered a helpful potential translation in our conversation today.
He said there’s a corporate mentality, where you go where the job is or where it sends you.
And there’s another mentality, the most lifestyle-based mentality, where you choose where you want to live (which I have) and then make it happen to be able to live there.
I don’t see the life outside of work that I’ve created here as anything that I could or would leave lightly. Definitely not just to make money.
More will be revealed.
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Aww, I sent the Glee song to a few family members by email and got this back from my uncle:
“You are my niece….who is the beautiful flower of many different colors and textures…that is why you are so special to me.”
‘Scuse me, I’m going to cry now as I send out a few more resumes.
Cadillac and I leave for Maui tomorrow!
I’m excited AND I bit all my nails off this morning.
I got a crucial piece of info this morning that helped me drop into totally enjoying the whole process.
Called an older wiser woman to talk about something entirely different, and we spent an hour talking about relationships and desire.
She said, “You’re an insatiable woman, right?
Can you imagine what that must feel like for a man to be with such a creature?
I encourage you to let yourself receive, graciously, and see what it’s like to let it be enough sometimes.
Honey, let him catch his breath! Be an open space he can visit.”
Ohhhhhh okay. : )
I’m not saying I know exactly how to take my foot off of pedal-to-the-metal, but I know I’m willing to give that a shot.
Aloha!
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I loved this blog post from Seth Godin:
“Better than nothing (is harder than you think)
Most of the time, particulary in b2b and luxury sales, the competition is nothing.
“I will buy this treat or I will buy nothing, because I don’t really need anything.”
“I will buy your consulting services, or I’ll continue doing what I’m doing now on that front, which is nothing.”
None of the above.
“I will vote for you or I’ll do what I usually do, which is not vote.”
“I’ll hire you or I’ll hire no one.”
While you think your competition is that woman across town, it’s probably apathy, sitting still, ignoring the problem… nothing.
Stop worrying so much about comparing yourself to every other possible competitor you can imagine and start comparing yourself to nothing. Are you really worth the hassle, the risk, the time, the money? Or can’t the prospect just wait until tomorrow?”
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Check this guy out:
Cohones Of Steel.
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Have great weekends. Love and play real hard. **hug**
The Enneagram thought of the day for 1′s:
What would happen if you stopped being a good boy/good girl today? Would your world fall apart?
I spent a good chunk of time with Client A this morning talking through a way that I walked off the Path in Client A’s name. (Which, without my taking responsibility, leads me to getting pissed at Client A.) I’m so irritated with my mind and where I dwell right now that I can’t bear to go into the details.We did talk about how my trying to be a Good Girl has motivated a lot. Even my “badness” was prompted in some part by wanting to be a Good Girl, based on the opinions around me.
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This guy inspired me. I want to find my P Diddy Hair.
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I’m gonna cop to having been in some fight or flight lately.
MUST LEAVE MY FEEDBACK GROUP
MUST MOVE APARTMENTS AGAIN
MUST FIGURE OUT BEING AN ENTREPRENEUR OR JUST GIVE UP AND WORK IN A DICE FACTORY
And tonight I was convinced I was going to go “back to black” with you, my bloggorinis.
IF I JUST STOP WRITING THEN MAYBE I’LL START GETTING PAID. LESS PROCESS, MORE PRODUCT, CRITTENDEN
Instead of punishing myself by removing something I love, or knee-jerk-reactioning without a fantastic reason, I’m going to look for the Middle Way here.
In the 2010 section, if you’re interested, you’ll find the game I’ve set up for myself for the next 30 working days.
I pledge to not process or analyze it here. That is where I get stuck sometimes.
And the intention I set in yoga class tonight was to be kind and gentle. I dedicate that intention to this 30 days, as well.
I’ll give you a sample About-Face experience. (For those of you who don’t know, About-Face teaches teenagers how to deal with negative effects on body image that media can have.)
Watch this video, even a minute of it. The best bits start at 2:00min.
I used this clip in the presentation I gave today to awesome young women organizing the Women’s Health Summit. The teenagers form a Steering Committee to pick what topics are important to them, then about 1,000 high school women gather together to work on the issues and connect wit each other. Really inspiring.
Back to the video. Questions for you to notice, which we talked about in the workshop today.
How many men do you see in the video?
How many women?
What are the men wearing?
What are the women wearing?
How many men do you see wearing a faceless mask? How many women?
How many men do you see taking their clothes off? How many women?
How many men do you see lying on the floor at another person’s feet? How many women?
You know, the basics.
The types of media manipulation we cover in the workshops are
Fear
Longing
Competition
Sexualization
Did you happen to notice any of those in the video?
(Extra credit if you noticed the irony of the ad at the bottom of the video. “JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.” Uh huh.)
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Speaking of the value of scantily-clad women. I had a super experience getting clear with a friend today. She had sent a Facebook request to her guy’s friends to write something about him for his birthday. FriendWife told me about it since I’m not on Facebook. I poured some love into writing it because he is a very dear friend, and sent it to her, and hadn’t heard back whether she got it or not. FriendWife also told me that she heard that he was having a birthday party where the women would be wearing lingerie and FriendWife didn’t get invited because she’s “just his friend”. Okay, I didn’t get invited, either. I must be “just his friend”. Like that’s a downgrade and only toys get to be with him on his birthday.Grr. Judging! Lame.
So instead of stewing in my story, I just called the lady up. Thankfully she answered and we got to get clear. I asked if she had gotten the message I wrote for his birthday. She said oh yes, and what was more, they gave him a gift of surrender at his party. She picked my piece as the one to read to him during the Surrender. (I imagine he was tied to a chair cause that’s how we roll.) She didn’t tell him who wrote it and said he guessed it was me right away. Ahhh, love both ways! She said he was deeply affected and she just hadn’t responded to me. So that felt really good.
I then asked about the party. Said that I didn’t want to come across as entitled to an invitation, but that it did seem funny that the people I heard about were invited and I wasn’t. (A few years ago I would have passed out from the discomfort of a conversation like this!!) She said it was meant to be a tiny gathering of a certain type of person to him, and that people just kept inviting other people unexpectedly. So, okay. That information is good to know. It wasn’t a downgrade, it was more of an etiquette breach that they weren’t aware of.
So even if it was a downgrade, I can still live with that. I just want to know.
I told a potential financial counseling client today that the not knowing became much worse for me than facing the fears of knowing. I want to know.
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I picked up a Common Ground magazine today and read about Burning Man. I haven’t thought about this in the longest time, but I got to interview Larry Harvey, one of the founders of Burning Man, twice while I was at OneTaste. Once for the podcast series I did. It was just me and him and Daniel Pinchbeck and they riffed like crazy on philosophical society issues. Then I moderated a forum that about a hundred people came to. Life was so interesting there. Like, those experiences hardly registered on my radar because there was so much going on at the time. It never stopped. Fascinating. So now I get to take a moment and say, wow, I got to interview these cool cats. <Side notes: The kid did not stay in the picture in this case of this video!! Pookie makes the videos at OT.> Enjoy:
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In my continuing exploration of resistance, I got clear on something today.
I’ve been equating peoples’ resistance to hiring me as their coach as something I’ve been doing wrong. Service not high-quality enough. Marketing message not clear enough. Blah blah Beth Wrong blah blah.
Untrue, at least on a basic level. Of course there’s always room for improvement. But I will go crazy if I continue to try to take the blame for other people holding back on doing hard work. I held back, still do sometimes, and that was never a reflection on my teachers.
So I get it that I’m good. My prescence is pretty impeccable. My range is fairly immense. My knowledge of what I need and want to know is more thorough in certain areas than anyone I know of. And I’m fun to work with, regardless of how painful the topic is. I get it. I really get it.
Hang in there, Little Bethie. They’ll get to you when the time is right.
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And the time was right for one young woman today after the About-Face presentation. She had asked a couple of dieting questions during the presentation. I did share with the group that I’m in recovery for eating disorders, and that the issue is SOOOOO much better for me than it used to be. We picked out things we love about our bodies, and at some earlier point that would have had me walk out of the room. Or sit there and silently seethe at why the instructor was hurting me so much!
So this woman shared with me afterwards what she hasn’t been able to connect with others around around dieting and body image. Her family tells her she’s fat and thinks she should think it’s funny. Her friends judge her for not doing extreme dieting anymore like they do. And then there’s the assassin between the ears that is alive and well within her. Bless her heart.When the other girls walked by, she pulled her long hair over her face so they wouldn’t see her crying. OMG, bless that child. She worried that she’s a hypocrite for doing work to empower young women when she hasn’t broken free of this issue yet. I told her, and listened as I told her, that if we waited to help others until we were done growing and accepting everything, that we would never help others. And that our shared pain can be a beautiful way to connect and then get better together.
I truly wouldn’t trade having been there today and talking with her for anything. I didn’t earn as much money today as I planned or would have liked. I went through some frustration with getting and returning the equipment. I was nervous to face the topic. The judge between my ears looks at the slick videos/ads/etc and feels hopeless that the juggernaut will ever just let women be how they are, curves and blemishes and emotions and unpredictability and all.
And it’s an irreplaceable experience, just giving freely of one’s self and experience.
I hope you get to have that pleasure.
