From my refrigerator to my blog.

(I have this hanging up with a magnet. 3/5 ok officially, I took it down because I wanted a visual break. 7/31 I now live in another apartment, another neighborhood, another dimension practically.)

I *heart* accountability. Sometimes I say I want to do things, and then I talk myself out of it. Sometimes the things I say I want walk right up to me and kiss me on the cheek and I say, go away.

But hopefully not with these things in 2010! I really want to do them. So I’m going to keep the list updated here for all the world to see.

Note to self: this is what I texted in response to a friend’s question of “What’s wrong with conditional surrender?”

“Nothing’s wrong with anything, if you call it what it is. When you described your year and your request of your teachers, it didn’t sound conditional. Sound like you are avoiding actual heat to seek potential heat elsewhere.”

Another note to self “IRRITATION TO IRRIGATION!”

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Tango class, at least 4 in a series

1/11 – have identified a Sunday night class at Caffe Trieste, and a monthly series class on Mondays in Union Square

1/27-I don’t really feel like being a beginner just yet in dance class. But I do like this video:

2/9-I don’t wanna do it!! I don’t want to spend the money, I don’t want my brain to hurt, I don’t want to be touched unskillfully, I don’t want to travel to get there, I don’t want to commit to one evening a week for at least a month!

2/28 Eck. Why did I ever want to learn TANGO?

3/5 I may have dreamed about tango the other night. I realized I just want to be good at it already, without having to learn it! My beloved little brat, playing with me again.

4/4 Read an EnlightenNext article about Denis Kelly. He is a former prisoner, cancer survivor, Zen master. Who also does tango. Inspiring. But I still don’t feel like learning or practicing it.

4/13-Tango? What’s that?

4/24 -After blogging that I dreamed about leading in tango, Friendhusband presented me with the movie, and Antonio Bandera tour de force, Take the Lead. I LOVE dance porn. Center Stage, Save the Last Dance, Dance With Me, Shag, Dirty Dancing, Footloose….a total guilty pleasure of mine for years. (The Jessica Alba tour de force, Honey, remains on my Must-Watch list.) So I want to watch Take the Lead soon and see if it inspires me to get patient and learn some freakin’ tango.

Date unknown-Take the Lead is now one of my new favorite movies. Sooooo good. But I don’t actually have an increased desire to learn tango. I’m giving up on this one and considering it explored enough.

7/31 -Really?! I ever wanted to do this?!

11/20 – Yep, still not for me. A beautiful dance. Just not one I want to commit to.

Improv class, a 6-week class at BATS

1/11-got their schedule. due to the cost ($300ish, I think), I’ll do this in summer or after

2/27 signed up for an ongoing series with Ann Swanberg and some OT alums of her! Yayyy! Going to her playhouse in Half Moon Bay. There will be frolicking, oh yes, we will frolick.

3/25 Headed to HMB this Sat for class 1. Excited. Also, lots of former coworkers and roomies from OT are in the class, so that’s feeling tender.

4/3 Tender with good reason!! We have another one in May. I have a decision before then about who I can stand to ride down with in the car. I must have some frickin heavy karma to burn through around being a snarky know-it-all.

? Took 2nd improv class with Ann Swanberg and Chris Miller. WONDERFUL. Experience. I will no longer judge Play as easy or Acting as just pretending to be someone else.

11/20 – I actually used what I learned in improv class a lot in my babysitting and it is an awesome way to live. I’ll keep this on the list because I think it would be fun. I’ll make a carryover list for next year below.

3 SF stairway walks of at least 30 minutes each (I’ve wanted to do this for years and years!)

1/11-roommate loaned me a stairway walks of SF book, and I picked out a few that I want to do. During a rambling walk in my ‘hood the other day looking for these , I found a **gorgeous** urban tree house. Wow, peoples’ creativity amazes me.

2/27 last night’s walk counts! Coming home from the BATS show (go, Millie!!), I wandered up some major stairs in my ‘hood. It was just a gorgeous night. Waxing moon, sky and air clear after a day’s worth of hard rain, 2 little potheads on the stairs (it felt like home since my roommate watches Weeds all the time these days), and greenery delighted. I even found a curvy dead-end street that was new to me.  2 special stairway walks to go. I need to schlep over to Coit Tower.

3/5 This one is DONE! Sweet. I did a large set of Lyon St stairs on the way to my acupuncture appointment. Was listening to This American Life about a chimp named Lucy who lived with a psychiatrist who treated her like a person. Eerily fascinating. Oh, but the stairs were pretty, too! Very steep.   And I did a long run of stairs (I didn’t run them, Gahd forbid, so I could say I walked a long run of stairs to clarify what I mean by run) near my house, walking down Larkin St to Aquatic Park today. That was nice.

I still want to do the Coit Tower stairs, but this one is complete now!

Paint a canvas from scratch and hang it in my room. Eggshell blue and light brown.

1/11 – bought all the materials today at Utrecht’s 55% off sale! : )

1/27-the brown circles are done. : )  blue to go. and then lots and lots of gloss.

2/9-some blue done. I like it! Still feeling it out if it’s “done” or not.

2/27 it’s done! it’s done! I look at it every morning when I wake up. I like the white parts.

Attend a gathering that has something to do with witchcraft or fairies, out of pure curiosity.

1/11 – The Hobbit says there are 2 good ones in the beginning of the year. I’ll probably opt for the warmer one!

1/27-Hobbit invited me to something in San Jose in Feb. I’m scared of San Jose right now.

2/9-Researching the Easter holiday. Not going to San Jose. Going to Adyashanti in San Rafael and then spending a night in an almost-treehouse instead.

2/27 Going with the Hobbit to the Easter weekend out in the woods. Oh my goodness! And a woman named Artemis is coming with us. She does something with Wise Ass Wisdom.

3/25 HUGE powerful opening over the course of Ostara weekend. Afterwards, one of the purest cleanest calmest mental states I have experienced. Yeh, I’ll go back, if Spirit allows.

Research, independently, 5 potential real estate deals in SF.

1/11 – I have put 1 phone number in my phone so far. Very nervous and excited about this one. On the way to passive income? Me? Little ol’ me? : )

2/9-I have so thoroughly lost interest in this as of now. I’d be more interested in creating passive income in other ways. The several interviews I did about working in the real estate industry painted it as SO dreadfully dry, that I’m just going quiet on this front for now.

2/27 I am so turned off of real estate right now. Helped an organizing client who has 5 properties and wanted to pull out my hair at all the monotonous paperwork and holes left and I am fine with just letting this one lay fallow for now. Lie fallow? Does one lay or lie fallow?

3/5 I realized part of what is turning me off about real estate is that it’s so vulgarly obvious now how much speculation was involved. Need to clean my judging mind out. Almost every risk involves some sort of speculation, right? Hmmm.

3/25 Still just not at all interested in this one. The market seems beyond rehabbable (that should be a word), yet I know home ownership will always be a part of the human system in some form. I may not complete this one this year, and that’s okay.

4/13 WhatEVER. The real estate industry is a lot of castles in the sky. No longer feelin’ it.

5/8 Done. Not at all interested anymore.

Visit a specific local artists’ gallery in the Mission that Sean B told me about.

1/11-have the hours and contact info on the fridgie.

2/27 I went to a cool gallery in the Haight yesterday on my way to the About Face interview. Definitely the local flavor. There was all this artwork (I mean, paintings and sketches), and then 2 super close-up shots of a woman’s inner and outer labia. OK!

4/19 – Saturday was awesome. I wandered in a couple of galleries in the Haight. Walked the couple of miles home in beautiful sunshine. I now notice more the DIY movement in fashion and art. Cool grassroots stuff happening, business and community-wise. I’m feeling that this one is adequately fulfilled.

7/31-I happened upon it the other day, walking from my house to meeting with a friend! Just peeking in was enough. You know, it’s stuff. Okay. Next.

Go on meditation retreat for at least 3 days or more.

1/11 – excited about Winter Feast for the Soul (see main page for more info), which begins 1/15. Still don’t know how I’ll work it in every day, but willing to give it every shot. I haven’t done a retreat at Green Gulch yet. That place is both magical and accessible, so it’s looking like that.

1/27-checked the Green Gulch schedule, didn’t see anything there. Getting clear that meditation retreat for me is a solo trip to a group that is somewhat faceless to me.

2/27 Yes, this is calling. I’m doing a 12-step retreat in 2 weekends in Happy Valley (yes, that’s actually the name). And I was reading yesterday about the power of going silent for a bit, going on a spoken word diet, as it were. Yes.

3/5 I’m co-leading a meditation workshop next weekend. Finally sat, officially, on my own this morning. Nice to break through that resistance so I have some experience to offer at this workshop!

3/25 Checked the Tassajara website last night. Not super called to anything there, although I do want to visit some time. Also, found out about a hermitage in Big Sur. Trying to rally GP and CH to road trip there with me. If they don’t, I have a feeling I’ll still make this one happen.

4/4 Waiting for Divine Inspiration on this one. It’s feeling more now like integrating daily practice into my life is more important than getting away to do that. I did 9am-2pm today of the Spirit Rock daylong with Jack Kornfield and Philip Moffit. Mucho resistance at first, followed by sweet genuine tears and a very nice heart opening.

4/13 The nuns are doing one at the end of April. (I just went to look for the info and somehow ended up looking through every single Facebook friend and deleting the unnecessary ones.)

4/24 Friend JS is going on a 10-day Vipassana retreat in June. I’m tempted. In most ways I don’t want to lose my business momentum. In other ways, I don’t want to lose my momentum to be spiritually connected and feeling great in my own skin! Hmmm.

5/8 Scared to book any retreats for some reason. Not sure why, since daily practice is working well for me now. Hmmmm. I emailed my Buddhist teacher friend for ideas or referrals. Reinforcements needed for this one.

6/4 Attempted to register for Adyashanti 5-day in November at Mt Madonna but it’s full already! He’s smoove like that.

7/9 Listened to a great Zencast podcast about lay person practice. (That’s when you’re not a monk, IOW.) About how Western teachers just really liked leading retreats when they brought the practice here. That there is nothing more or less valid about practicing on retreat, and it’s not for everyone. Honestly, I think I just really want another bracelet.

7/31 – I took off the bracelet instead of waiting for it to fall off. I started to feel like a poser wearing it. I “signed up” to do a personal retreat at Gesalen this Saturday. FriendHusband is going to a party and I want trees, meditation, good slow food, writing, reading, and quiet.

11/20 – Dang. I waited too long for this one. I know I resisted it. I know I made a pact with myself that I wanted to do one per year MINIMUM. Then the critical voice comes in and I let it tromp all over the idea until it lies in little dead bits under my critic’s proverbial feet. Double dang.

12/4 Signed up at Spirit Rock as a commuter for the last retreat of the year! Thank you, bloggarinos!

ADDED IN APRIL ’10

Get the Prana Passport and then try at least 5 different yoga studios in the area before Nov.

Need to do non-flow classes as to not hurt my arms.

I’ve had monumental resistance to doing yoga, and I keep getting the message to try it again try it again. At least this way I’m only committing to the practice and not a specific studio! (Cowgirl needs a big pasture.)

1 Namaste in Oakland. Early April.

2 Breathe in my ‘hood, later in April. Argentinian teacher! I was the only student. A fine experience.

3 Bend in the Panhandle, 4/24. Great beginners’ class with David Kershan. I will definitely take class with him again. (Sadly, this was his last class at Bend! Glad I caught him in time to discover his goodness.)

4 Mindful Body on Divis, 5/1. Yoga is already slow enough for me. Restorative yoga on a Sunday night threw off and disturbed the humming engine inside of me. Maybe that’s just where I’m at now, but that was challenging!

5 Iyengar Yoga Institute. Okay it’s not new to me, but the teacher was.Went with Eeyore and The Storyteller to a nice gentle class. Almost daily I wonder why I don’t do yoga more often. But then I don’t. I guess these times count as more often than before, because somethin is more than nothin!

6 Laughing Lotus. Fun and a pretty studio. Seemed cliquey, but almost anything can seem that way when it’s my first time and the other people already know each other.

7 YogaTree Castro. The teacher was gorgeous. Good thing the lights were low or they would have seen me drooling at her. The room was too hot, though. If it’s bikram, people, let a sista know in advance ‘mkay?

8 YogaTree Valencia. A fine class. Very competent grounded teacher. Lululemon Capital of the free world, methinks.

9 Satori Yoga. GREAT experience. Debbie was the teacher and she played upbeat music, including the theme song to Fame. I heartily approve. They also had a healthy happy hour with fruit and socializing afterwards, which is a really sweet idea.

10 YogaTree Stanyan. Flow Yoga, I’m done with you, good-bye.

ADDED in MAY ’10

So I’ve read Karmic Management and The Diamond Cutter and have been deeply inspired to practice that.

I plan to (and want to!) take the online classes that are offered here:

http://www.acidharma.org/aci/online/onlinefr.html

And I’ll track my progress with you.

6/4 I *almost* made it to a group in Sebastopol. I let the fiscal policy of a rental car company stop me. Havent yet listened to the online classes, and do intend to.

7/9 Dropped this entirely after watching a class video and listening to another one. I won’t elaborate, but his teaching and presence is not for me at this time.

ADDED in June ’10

I plan to go to Japan next year. April 2011. I have begun a Google spreadsheet. A few influences came together to push me over the top with wanting to make this happen.

I looked at tickets. Looks like I could fly for about $1000. I want to stay at least 10 nights. I’ve heard it’s expensive to stay there (although homegirl is not afraid to roll basic). But let’s say $100/night for lodging. Rolling total = $2000  Food, let’s allow $40/day. Total = about $2500  Other things, let’s say I want to save $3K for it. I have 10 months. Do-able!

7/9 I’m in a transition where this seems less do-able. Still interested. More intimidated after thinking through the travel variables more clearly. I’m 50/50 on this as of today.

7/31 – Rented Lost in Translation and watching it tonight with Hi-5 to get that almost-in-Japan feeling. Memoirs of a Geisha blew me out on this at the moment. I’m applying the travel account towards investing in my business, so Japan is highly unlikely for next year and I am fine with that.

8/13 – Japan who. I’m building an empire right here in SF.

ADDED in July ’10

Stylewatch.

The Uniform Project. Very cool. Style for a good cause.

Tip 1: Find yourself. “The most important thing is to really feel comfortable and confident about playing a little bit. A lot of people forget that [fashion] can become a really easy and fun source of expression and, instead, people get very upset and stressed out about it. That attitude shift is the first thing that will help you start wearing things you thought you wouldn’t normally have been able to pull off.”

Tip 2: Shop your closet. “There are so many things in your closet that are just sitting there buried and completely forgotten. There are many things you can do in terms of layering — little things you can add to change a silhouette, like a belt, or adding layers underneath a dress or over it — that can completely change a look. And, very often, it’s something that’s already in your wardrobe. You don’t need to buy new things. Just by throwing around a few things in different permutations, you can create a very different look.”

Tip 3: Always accessorize. “You have to realize what is it that you like. Are you a scarf person? Are you a belt person? What are the things you’re naturally drawn to? Expand on that and start playing with them.”

Tip 4: Keep it simple. “It’s interesting when you give yourself a creative constraint how much more creative you tend to become. Having these limitations was actually helpful and made me be more creative and push my own boundaries. For me, it was easier to get ready in the morning because you already had your base piece. So, then it was just a question of building off of it. I never had to wake up and go, ‘Oh, no, what am I wearing today?’ It was just a question of reinventing that thing.”

For more information on The Uniform Project and to learn how to donate to the cause and purchase the dress worn by Matheiken, visit TheUniformProject.com.

Okay here’s my grocery list on this topic:

bathing suit

top 1 done

top 2 done

top 3 done

pants 1 done

pants 2

dress 1

dress 2

shirt 1 done

shoes 1

And let’s just start with that.

7/31 Highly fun, successful, and sexy shopping trip with Hi-5 at H & M. I am so grateful that he has my back. Good fun stuff. Next step: shoes and maybe hair but I’m not 100% on that just yet!

Nov – worked with some fashion students from City College and we’re putting together my final portfolio tomorrow. Learned some great things about details, cuts, colors, and what to wear together. I don’t know why I get so hard on myself with the expectations sometimes – to learn something, we need to first learn it, right?

Business Education

1 I signed up for the Landmark Forum in August.

2 FriendWife has a friend who does a neat process called Human Design. I’ve reached out to him to do a session.

As of 8/6 I’m doing an experiment for 30 working days, which for me at this point is 6 days per week.

Simply:

Ask 1 person for help with my business each day.

Offer 1 person help with their business each day.

Record the basics for accountability.

Period.

I got my mind into black sludge over needing the biz to be PERFECT RIGHT NOW!!!! Stop that, gray matter. 1 and 1. Keep it simple.

3 Danielle LaPorte! Yay!

ADDED End of November

Same sex swing dancing.

I’m ready to get a full-length mirror for my house. Have never owned one and used to cover all the mirrors wherever I lived so I didn’t have to look.

I want to start leading groups more than once a month again. Don’t know how, just putting it out there.

Oh! I’ve been crazy for the tennis. That’s been awesome. Playing twice a week regularly. Hope I can find enough dry days in this season to keep it up.

I want to research Rhino Accounting. I love holding my financial clients. Signed up for Quickbooks class in January. The details are neat; such a great gateway to the bigger picture.

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Looking ahead to 2011:

Improv class (signed up for Relationship Improv with Life Plays for January!

Buy an HP ring from a local artisan (started talks about design and budget with a new and dear friend)